Some goodbyes are for ever

July began badly for me.

- 30th June -

My relatives were coming down from Sarikei, to send a daughter off to nursing training. We were supposed to have dinner that night at a restaurant. But by noon, my dad suddenly sms me and say something like this " Change of plan. Don't go to xxx restaurant. Eat at {housing area}. Will tell you later"

The whole SMS sounded so fishy. But I didn't press for WHY? Knowing how stubborn my dad can be. I was hoping he will tell me whatever it is when he is ready. I assume it should be something to do with the Sarikei relatives.

Around 5, dad SMS me again, he said my Grandma is very sick. He will go to Belaga, mum will go up from Sibu (she's having a course there). I was shocked! I quickly packed up and get ready to go home. I sms dad to ask how bad is it while waiting for the green light. He said "They wait time". THOSE THREE words made me stunned.Before I knew it, tears wet my cheeks.

- 1st July -

Boarded a flight to Bintulu at 11.35am. I sms dad asking where is he now, cos he was following Sarikei's relative's car to come up to Bintulu. But he didn't reply. I guess may be there's no reception or what.

Arrived Bintulu around 1pm cos the flight delayed abit.Then's when i got the dreadful SMS, telling me Grandma passed away, at 10.30am. 10.30 am! 10.30 am!
10.30 am! I I cried at the airport. I didn't get to say goodbye! Same goes to my mum! My poor poor mother! She was going up straight to Belaga from Sibu, she took a 5++am ride and scheduled to arrived arnd 8 hours later. She only knew about my Grandma's passing when she reached the Jetty.

Someone from Belaga picked us up from airport around 2, and it took us 4 hours to reach Belaga. Yes, no matter what transport u take, it will take almost a day to reach Belaga. Me and Oink are among those who lived outside Belaga to arrived early. But not early enough to meet my Grandma one last time. (T.T) I thought Grandma will get better, I didn't go thinking I will lose Grandma, I went thinking may be there'll be a miracle. Dad arrived with the Sarikei relatives around midnight. Eldest Uncle arrived around that time, poor Uncle, he also didn't get to say goodbye, I can never forget the scene. I was burning "paper money" (its a custom to do that in a chinese funeral) near Grandma's body, and eldest uncle walked right in, dropped his bag to the floor and cried while walking towards Grandma's body. Its a heart breaking scene, I fought hard to keep myself calm, as I need to keep burning the 'paper money', I was told to keep the fire burning.

Mum told us that she didn't sleep well for 2 nights. The first night, she dreamed Grandma passed away. The 2nd night, she dreamed she helped Grandma apply powder on her face. And true enough, the next day after the 2nd night, she really left us. Mum was told that Grandma asked for her when she was still conscious. :((((( But in the end she can't wait BOOHOOHOO

- 2nd July -

Its the day to prepare Grandma's body and move her into the coffin. Mum was told her zodiac sign clashes with Grandma, so she's forbidden to touch Grandma's body, she was only allowed to look at the process. Its the first time I get to see Grandma after her passing. She looked calm and at peace.

-3rd July -

Funeral day. We followed the lorry carrying Grandma's body on foot. Some of the aunties nearby came to help and each of them supported my mum and her sisters. Mum was crying non-stop. It really breaks my heart to see her that way. She kept calling my Grandma not to go. I followed her closely, ready to help in case she needed me. When I put my arms around her, she held my hand, and said "GRANDMA will never come back anymore" in hokkien and wailed. My heart broken into a million pieces seeing her like that. She must be very very sad to miss the chance to see Grandma one last time. The last time she saw her was Gawai this year, which I really regret cos I didn't follow. I should have followed! But its to late to regret now right? IF ONLY...sigh..


So people! If you are living away from your family, DO come back and see them often.

My grandma was such a giving person, gentle and humble. She liked to chit chat, even though my Hokkien is broken, she beared with me, and just listened to whatever I was talking about even though she might not understand. She liked to sit at the bench after meals and loved her Min Nan Yu Taiwanese soap operas. Oh, I will miss her so so much! *sobs*